Embrace Being Single For The Holidays

Updated: Jan 7, 2019

Image: This Christmas (Movie)

Every year around the Christmas season, as the lights are draped over houses like shawls and trees that look too green to be real are put up, those without a significant other are left to choose between being single and being happy. But, we never ask ourselves why. Why do we have to choose? The same old situation is shoved in our faces through Hallmark movies and catchy songs. There will always be that main character looking for love each Christmas who sulks in their own sadness until someone comes along to share the holidays with. While we do love these movies and songs, do we really have to choose between being single and being happy each time the stores break out their winter decor?

There's no written rule

There is no rulebook that says we have to be down in the dumps because we don't have anyone to stand underneath the mistletoe with each year. Why not be elated that there's more room underneath the tree for your own gifts? If anything, we torture ourselves by constantly comparing ourselves to these storylines we see on television that are mainly fiction with a pinch of predictable. Spend more time with yourself this season, get to know what makes you happy around this time--and if you already know, practice what makes you happy! We spend too much time validating ourselves through the idea someone else wants to be with us without questioning if we want to be with ourselves. We can't put the blame completely (yet it is mostly) on us though. The last time I was on Netflix, I hadn't found a Christmas movie that didn't have to do anything to do with love or a teenager believing in Santa Claus. It's constantly thrown at us--the though that we're not happy unless we're with someone else. Yet, we have to go out of our way to make space for new ideas to enter our heads. If this is all we see, all the time, change the channel. Read often and about things that deal with finding and making room for yourself. Spend more time with yourself, whether it's a five minute self care routine or a five hour Christmas shopping spree.

Spoil yourself, in your own way

A lot of us use Christmas as an excuse to spend unnecessary amounts of money on others anyway, and if you don't-- spoiling yourself doesn't always involve cash. While a pampering spa day could be the first thing that came to mind, reassurance might be all you need. Spoil yourself with love, positive affirmations, and a healthy spirit. Don't stay in an relationship or try to attain one in 25 days because you're used to being spoiled by someone else or spoiling someone else. Choose yourself over comfort every time. When I say this, I mean any type of comfort that prevents you from growing into your best self. Don't try to spark a flame because you're used to spending every holiday with someone, and not doing that would mean would feel like starting a new type of lifestyle again. Sometimes we can be our own enemies and at times it unintentional, yet while we think we're protecting ourselves from some type of pain--we're only plunging ourselves deeper into it. A lot of us can loose our individuality in a relationship, and starting over is the best way to free ourselves. This holiday, buy yourself a gift, take yourself to a Christmas festival, drive to see the city lights by yourself, have yourself a movie night with hot cocoa. It may be a little disheartening to see all the couples snuggled together, but after a while you start to pay less attention them and more attention on yourself. You'll get used to being in your own company, be comfortable with it, and find joy in your own solitude.

All I want for Christmas is ME

We have to realize that we don't need anyone else to be happy. If we base our joy in others, how can we be happy with ourselves? Sometimes we do this out of the fear that we aren't enough to make ourselves feel "whole."Yet, we are all we need. We weren't created empty, so where did this idea that someone has to complete us come from? People are in fact temporary--we were not meant to last forever and sometimes all we have is ourselves. Rather than to sulk in that fact, we should celebrate it. Self-celebration is essential in being able to grow into our best selves. This Christmas, celebrate being strong enough to settle for nothing less of what's best for you, and enjoy the holidays with every fiber in your being.

-Ashley Lauren

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