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The art of letting go: A break down on break ups

Updated: Jan 7, 2019


I know there have been plenty of us sitting in that sad little corner of our rooms listening to Rihanna's "Needed Me" on loop, having to remind ourselves that we're still "that chick" through cloudy tears. Let me tell you something girl; it's okay to say goodbye, even if it hurts you. Sometimes we need to separate ourselves from certain people to get to the next step in our lives, and sometimes we're forced to let go because we can't see growth past them. And if it's too hard for you to understand why, I have some reasons on why letting go isn't as bad as we make it seem. Separation can be good for us, because holding dry soil can kill the harvest growing inside of you.


Stop spending countless months in something that's seasonal



Some people we meet are only supposed to be in our lives for a certain season. They serve a purpose; whether it's to send a push, be a lesson, send support, or for us to motivate. Not everyone is meant to stay. Don't be someone that's so stuck on an individual who's only meant to be there for a little while. Not everyone that adores you, or that you adore, is meant to have/keep you. This is a moment where self-love plays a crucial part in our "love lives." It can help us decipher where to go when we come across difficult paths and gives us clarity in a perspective that can oftentimes be fogged with doubt and confusion.


Self-love is the best love


Self-awarness and love is something you should practice before you jump into any relationship. Yet sometimes, we forget that very important step. Why do we do this; why do we avoid taking this giant leap? It's because loving yourself isn't easy, and takes time. We are impatient beings; it takes less time and commitment to love someone else rather than to give ourselves that same type of devotion. The key to having a healthy relationship is knowing to love yourself first and more. You are open to protecting your well-being this way, and you're more likely to notice toxic behavior and stay away from it. When you're aware of yourself, you're aware of who and what contributes to your growth. When you realize the importance of getting to the next level of who you can be, you'll move different in relationships due to protecting your future. It'll be easier to understand why cutting all that dead weight was necessary, and you'll be able to hold onto yourself while letting go of someone else.


Push purpose from pain



This is not the end. We're young, and there will be plenty of other people we come across that will and won't stay in our lives. So be prepared, but also don't feel defeated. That heartbreak was just an experience to go through, and experiences can be the best teachers. Take each person as a lesson, retain all you can, and incorporate it into your life as a type of positive motivation, even if the break up was bad. Let this give you a new perspective on different types of people. Take this type of bump in the road as a push to keep moving forward in its effort to slow you down. Every person we meet isn't meant to love us and won't; that is why we must practice loving ourselves so we won't long for it from others. Remember that God shows us who others are so we can also see more about ourselves. There will be pain, because that's normal, but it's what we make from it that matters.

It's up to us



It's okay to say goodbye. We meet people to hurt, help, and heal either us or them. There is a person for each moment in our lives and it's up to us on how we deal with their departure. We can either hold on to dear life and let it stunt our growth, or we can let go (even if it's hard) to get to where we need to be. Life comes with many disappointments, but it's how we shape every trouble we've gone through that really defines who we are. Love yourself, protect yourself, and care for yourself; because that girl you may be neglecting now is exactly who you'll need in times like this.




-Ashley Lauren


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