The Truth Behind Finding Your Circle

Updated: Jan 7, 2019

Sometimes we go throughout life imagining that one moment where we're having a blast at a night out around the town with our girls. Then we look around and notice that we haven't met them yet and that we haven't touched on creating those memories that we'll look back on for the rest of our lives. Yet we have to keep in mind that it's okay to look to your left or right and find yourself alone for the night, because finding your "flossy posse" (to quote the movie Girl's Trip) isn't something that's easy.

I feel like a lot of women around the globe think that finding your circle comes with a deadline, and we also think that there's something specifically wrong with us if we don't have a cluster of friends to spend our free time with. To keep it #real with you, friendship is not a one-step process. It comes with trial and errors, heartbreak, and just flat out disappointment. We'll always have to go through the lesson that every person you meet isn't supposed to be your friend, and every friend you make isn't going to be "that one" you see yourself doing everything with or telling everything to.

I've gone through both high-school and my freshman year of college not having a best friend. Of course I had my close friends who had their own best friends, but I didn't have one to call my own. I started to get discouraged, maybe thinking that something was wrong with me, and that was the reason I hadn't found her or him yet. Then, while reading up on a couple of magazines at a sticky Starbucks table one windy Saturday morning, I came across a quote in an article about dating that made me think about my situation.

"Don't focus on why the bees aren't coming to the honey, just focus on being the honey instead."

At first, I thought that it only applied in finding a significant other, but then I thought about how I could apply it to other aspects of my life instead of just finding love. I found myself not focusing on why I didn't have my flossy-posse and started to concentrate on building and growing myself for the friends that I would want to attract. One of the reasons I didn't have my circle is that I wasn't done growing, and I'm still not.

Looking Glass Noire

Nowadays we find ourselves basing our accomplishments on the time clock of others, especially in a generation where showing these said accomplishments are plastered all over social media--something we unconsciously to compare ourselves to others at times. But we have to remember that not one journey is the same. We have our own struggles, successes, and aspirations. Everyone doesn't find their girl gang or best friend all at once. Oprah didn't even find Gayle until her early twenties. So stop constantly thinking about why the friends you want haven't shown up yet, and remember that the friends you need are worth the wait. And until you find your girls, remember that you are enough for yourself.

-Ashley Lauren

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